conTENMENt

So I sit here, in front of my laptop in the morning, feeling happy.


Not that kind of “Oh, life is going so well!” happiness, but I do feel content,
whole and yes, happy.


There’s nothing particularly interesting happening to me; I’m not winning awards,
I still haven’t had my 15-minutes of fame and I didn’t have the light of fireworks in me.

But I believe the past four months when I worked through my insecurities, and
was depressed for most of it, I learned how to be happy with myself, and to
make peace with the way things are.


I know that possibly, this feeling of contentment and personal happiness will
expire sooner or later, and again, I’d be overwhelmed with pressures to
compete, and to out-do my peers, y’know, keep up with the rest of the world by
pursuing goals that probably doesn’t satisfy me as much as I thought it would…


But I’ve learned that that’s okay - otherwise, how else will we get pushed to
try things we’ve never done before? Or to make our lives a little difficult,
for some kind of belief in entitlement and a boost for our ego and
self-confidence?


But till that day comes, I’m going to enjoy my moment of happiness; I’m
mentally photographing every smile, recording every conversation and taking it
all in; so that someday, in my moments of un-happiness, I know I can always
somehow extract this moment out of my mind, and feel how I feel today, right
now; happy.


I think that music makes it all the much easier to remember moments; and as of
right now, I’m listening to my all-time favourite, Menghapus Jejakmu (or,
’Erasing Your Footsteps’ in English?) by Indonesian band, Peterpan.


It’s a beautiful song, about letting go, and reminding us that no matter what
sort of bullshit happens, no matter which asshole you run into, they’re not the
cause of your ‘end of the world’. Life goes on…and it only gets better!



Even the moon becomes a beauty when darkness surrounds it


I know I must sound annoyingly positive and cheery, like an episode of Barney’s
or that awful children’s TV show, Teletubbies, but I shared my insecurities, my
lowest points recently, and it’s only fair that when I am happy, I can share
that freely as well, without having to worry if somehow, I may be subconsciously trying to prove anything but what I choose to write about..this
is the truth, whether you like it or not. Take a moment. Think about it.