Sorry

I understand that there are some problems and I am not too blind to know all the pain you kept inside you even though you might not show. If I can apologize for being wrong then it’s just a shame on me I’ll be the reason for your pain and you can put the blame on me.

Into each life there comes a time when you must pay your lovers' dues. I know I was wrong for treating you the way I did but I have so much on my mind. I didn’t know where you fit in and I thought I already said that to you. If I could do it all over again, I’ll never let you get your ways, I'll never let you move into me.

I’m sorry that I ever did it to you, that I ever made you cry. 

Lastly, I'm sorry that I can't break down in tears.

Good vs Bad

What is good? What is bad?

Each individual believe in their own perspective. I have friends who smokes. Straight-A Student. In the Dean's list. I have friends who drinks like mad at the same time friends that never fails to be there for me when I'm in need of help. Some friends do drugs but willing to go thru trouble for me. Some of them do things that you could not even imagine.

Today, I followed some of my friends to smoke. I look at each of them. All of them with no doubt are nice people, down to earth that I always have respect for. But why some people judge smokers so terribly? Nampak orang smoke je, terus label budak jahat. Maybe MOST of smokers are bad but isn't what you're doing is generalize? Is it fair for you to think that way? Why people stereotype? It's the soceity isnt it? The society pictures a good man with a good features, fair, tall, nice, kind bla bla. So what about some people that does not have those? Bad people?

For me, the most important question is, Who are you to judge?

When someone says that I'm selfish, cheater, jerk. I'll get soooo badly hurt. Not because of them, not because of the words. But because of how untrue it is. People judge without knowing the truth. Without trying to understand. Without listening. I hate being judged for things thats not right.

Sometimes I feel tired of being me. I feel like lettting myself loose. I'm so sick of worrying what people might think of me. Like it or not, we're living in a cruel world. Call me cheater call me liar call me selfish call me a bitch call me watever you want after this cause I won't feel hurt hearing it since I'm being one.

Foolish

After feeling numb from reading FIN 202, I decided to stop for awhile. So I sit here, in front of my laptop at 1.12am in the morning feeling nothing.

Actually, I don't feel like updating my blog at all today thus I went on reading my previous posts that I wrote wayy long time ago. Some of them filled with happiness but MOST of them loaded with emo shit. hahahaha. But something caught my attention though. Particularly the part when I laughed while reading almost all of the previous posts.

I used to be so emotional and sensitive at any single shit that moves around me(still am? hahaha) I remember those moments of break ups, make ups, hook ups, brain breaking, nerve wrecking, heart aching jiffy. I remember how depressed I was during those times. At one point of time I thought that I wasn't strong enough to live through all of it. Sad case right? Gudness, i used to be such a sad child! hahaha

But hey, look at me now. You see, I always tell my friends and remind myself that what ever problems that you may have, just be strong and hold on for awhile cause when the clouds go away and thesun comes in, you'll be okay. By the time it's all over, you look back then you'll be laughing at yourself and would think how silly you can be. I'm proud to say that I've grown up. I'm over all this small petty shit. ...... so should you.

Communism

When they want C*** back home and why they support LTTE, they has been said to spark the fire. Is that true?

Most probably it is but the MALAY!!!! need to think, why they keep asking for this.

They want us to think a bit. Take a look at North Korea, even they are communist country but still they can build missile, China PR can be one of the powerful nation on earth and for LTTE, they still can build light war planes even they did not have resources.

Look ! We say they are the enemies but what they achieve compared to us? Think ? If we said democracy is the best for us but why we can't be like Singapore and why some does not want Islam to rule, look at Iran, they can build missiles too...!

DO NOT INTERPRATE LITERLARY  
 

Law of the "JUNGLE"

don't u understand?

What happened today during the Opening of Perak State Legislative Assembly can be describe as Meeting in the JUNGLE.

The Opposition had adhered to the rule of the jungle, said Mentri Besar Datuk Seri Dr Zambry Abd Kadir of the chaos at the Perak State Assembly sitting Thursday. (TheStar Online)

The People's Representatives creates a lots of havoc. Why can this happen? This country and the state have a law and it is above everything so they need to respect and obey the law.

take him AWAY.....!

visit to PUTRAJAYA

I seldom going outside or to some interesting places by myself expect being invited or accompanied by my friends (some of the reason is for safety of course). This time I had a spare time to go to Putrajaya and take some of interesting near dawn and night pictures of this beautiful and ‘intelligent’ city of Putrajaya.

conTENMENt

So I sit here, in front of my laptop in the morning, feeling happy.


Not that kind of “Oh, life is going so well!” happiness, but I do feel content,
whole and yes, happy.


There’s nothing particularly interesting happening to me; I’m not winning awards,
I still haven’t had my 15-minutes of fame and I didn’t have the light of fireworks in me.

But I believe the past four months when I worked through my insecurities, and
was depressed for most of it, I learned how to be happy with myself, and to
make peace with the way things are.


I know that possibly, this feeling of contentment and personal happiness will
expire sooner or later, and again, I’d be overwhelmed with pressures to
compete, and to out-do my peers, y’know, keep up with the rest of the world by
pursuing goals that probably doesn’t satisfy me as much as I thought it would…


But I’ve learned that that’s okay - otherwise, how else will we get pushed to
try things we’ve never done before? Or to make our lives a little difficult,
for some kind of belief in entitlement and a boost for our ego and
self-confidence?


But till that day comes, I’m going to enjoy my moment of happiness; I’m
mentally photographing every smile, recording every conversation and taking it
all in; so that someday, in my moments of un-happiness, I know I can always
somehow extract this moment out of my mind, and feel how I feel today, right
now; happy.


I think that music makes it all the much easier to remember moments; and as of
right now, I’m listening to my all-time favourite, Menghapus Jejakmu (or,
’Erasing Your Footsteps’ in English?) by Indonesian band, Peterpan.


It’s a beautiful song, about letting go, and reminding us that no matter what
sort of bullshit happens, no matter which asshole you run into, they’re not the
cause of your ‘end of the world’. Life goes on…and it only gets better!



Even the moon becomes a beauty when darkness surrounds it


I know I must sound annoyingly positive and cheery, like an episode of Barney’s
or that awful children’s TV show, Teletubbies, but I shared my insecurities, my
lowest points recently, and it’s only fair that when I am happy, I can share
that freely as well, without having to worry if somehow, I may be subconsciously trying to prove anything but what I choose to write about..this
is the truth, whether you like it or not. Take a moment. Think about it.